Monday, January 29, 2007

Just Good Stuff.

I did not write this article. I just thought it had some good points.
This is some great child training advice I read at Raising Godly Tomatoes here.


My Secret
Someone recently asked me what my "secret" was for raising such nice children. My quick, off-the-cuff answer was: "Say what you mean and mean what you say." Yes, I think if I had to put it into one sentence, that would be it. It's old-fashioned, but it works. If I could add just a little more to that, I'd say to keep your children close to you all the time so that you can see what they are doing and understand what they are thinking, and can reward or correct them as needed. I call that tomato staking.

To get a little more specific, here are some things I keep in mind all the time as I am raising my children. There are many more things, but these are what come to mind immediately. Of course they are really no secret, just ancient technics overlooked or forgotten in many homes today.

1. I keep my children close to me and watch them diligently.
2. I focus on their attitude and character more than their actions.
3. I teach them obedience early - beginning before age one.
4. I teach them what the word "No" means and that they must respect my authority to use that word.
5. I am both merciful and just. I praise and reward them when they are being good, yet I correct them faithfully when they are being bad.
6. I expect them to obey the first time I tell them to do or not to do something. I do not "count to three" or give repeated warnings.
7. I correct them with some immediate negative consequence (such as a verbal rebuke or a simple swat on the bottom) whenever possible, rather than a delayed consequence like removing a privilege or an "after-the-fact" spanking.
8. I occasionally do the old fashioned "stand in the corner" or "sit next to me until you can behave", but I never do the modern "time outs".
9. I don't "distract".
10. I never send my children to their rooms as a punishment.
11. I don't lose my temper, nag, whine, yell, beg, bribe, or "reason", to get my children to obey.
12. I keep my children away from negative outside influences as much as possible until they are older and better prepared to resist the temptations they will encounter.

I believe in God and have as my ultimate parenting goal to raise godly children who will in turn raise godly children. I love good and hate evil. I set standards for my children that I believe are appropriate for their age and pleasing to God. I try to determine what constitutes a godly child and aim at that. In order to make this training possible, I try to include my children in all that I am doing and train them as I live my daily life. I seek to have a visible attitude of loving kindness and approval toward my children. We enjoy each other (which is very easy once they have learned to be respectful and obedient).

7 comments:

Mike said...

Great list. I'm learning from you.


Mike
http://somethingaboutparenting.typepad.com/

Happi said...

Staci, every time I come to your blog, I find encouragement and affirmation. I am on the journey toward homeschooling (still keeping my options open and looking into other alternatives like Christian school, etc.), but the Lord has been pretty clear. Homeschooling seems like the answer I've been seeking since August. Thanks so much for the little nuggets of "gold." They have been priceless to me.

TulipGrrl said...

Hmmmm. . . I agree with you on "say what you mean and mean what you say." Yet, I've found a lot of things I do you dismiss. I have found wisdom in "distraction" when it is developmentally appropriate. I no longer smack or swat or spank. I find there is a place for reasoning.

Ohhh. . . And while imperfect and still in need of a Saviour, my four energetic boys are still praised when we are around others. My husband can bring them to work, and be trust them to sit quietly, read and entertain themselves, when needed. Like you I get the "how do you do it?" questions.

And I give the answer you likely give, too--all by God's grace.


Grace and peace,
TulipGirl

Staci said...

Perhaps I didn't cite my source clearly enough...I did NOT write this article, and I do not agree with it 100% (as I do distract my younger 2 instead of diciplining them A LOT!)
I just thought it had a lot of good information.

TulipGrrl said...

Ah, gotcha.

TulipGrrl said...

Btw, I've found a lot of mommy-inspiration here:
http://www.parentingdecisions.com .

And I post some of our experiences and what's been positive for our houseful of boys here:
http://www.tulipgirl.com/mt/archives/cat_nurturing_children.html


Grace and peace,

ableknife said...

Some great things to think about as a new parent. Along the lines of raising Godly children is a book called Preparing Him for the Other Woman by Sheri Rose Shepherd, which is so helpful to moms with boys. Blessings~