Another heartbeat has awakened.
I am again amazed at how something so very small can affect our lives so deeply. The moment I confirmed it I was frozen, shocked, not quiet believing. I wanted desperately to be happy and thankful. But I feel like I'm not ready..I thought I wouldn't have any more children...I'm not done babying Savannah (now 2.5 years). All of these selfish thoughts reeling through my head. Shame on me.
I AM thankful, and blessed. Especially when I think of friends who want to become pregnant, and aren't yet. When I think of friends who have lost their babies. When I think of those who can't, or won't, ever have children of their own.
I'm just a planner. And this wasn't planned. My whirlwind of a month was sort of settling down...and I thought I would soon have things under control. That was my problem. I need to realize ("practice what I preach" is probably more accurate) that I am not in control...
And the Lord has reminded me of that in the most beautiful way...
If my calculations are correct, baby is due around July 1, 2009.