Monday, November 10, 2008

Number Five

Another heartbeat has awakened.

I am again amazed at how something so very small can affect our lives so deeply. The moment I confirmed it I was frozen, shocked, not quiet believing. I wanted desperately to be happy and thankful. But I feel like I'm not ready..I thought I wouldn't have any more children...I'm not done babying Savannah (now 2.5 years). All of these selfish thoughts reeling through my head. Shame on me.

I AM thankful, and blessed. Especially when I think of friends who want to become pregnant, and aren't yet. When I think of friends who have lost their babies. When I think of those who can't, or won't, ever have children of their own.

I'm just a planner. And this wasn't planned. My whirlwind of a month was sort of settling down...and I thought I would soon have things under control. That was my problem. I need to realize ("practice what I preach" is probably more accurate) that I am not in control...

And the Lord has reminded me of that in the most beautiful way...

If my calculations are correct, baby is due around July 1, 2009.

13 comments:

Michelle said...

Congrats! I imagine I would feel the same way, immensely blessed and maybe more than a little shocked.

Em said...

Very happy for you Staci!

This baby will be blessed to have you for a mamma. As are your four other kids.
YOu are an incredible example!

Praying for you, Love you

Em

Staci said...

Michelle,

Guess it's your turn, since our girls are the same age.. :D

Staci

Staci said...

Emma,

You are waaaay too kind. And maybe a little biased. :)

Staci

Em said...

Ummm.. No! You're just the best!
:D

Adventures In Babywearing said...

Oh how exciting! I felt those conflicted thoughts about Gray- he just turned 3 after Ivy was born, but it has been AMAZING and I am sure will be for you, too!

Steph

Michelle said...

oh goodness Staci... I still have occasional hankerings for one more, I've always wanted four BUT... with life the way it is right now I just wouldn't intentionally plan another. Dh wanted to stop at two so having a third was a concession on his part!

But we haven't done anything permanent, so there is always that possibility of a surprise like yours.

Penny Lane said...

Following your blog through HisMidwives...Congratulations! I think this is an exceptionally fertile month. It seems half of Indiana is due in July.

Staci said...

Steph,

Thank you for the baby wishes.. I am getting pretty excited.. :)

Staci

Staci said...

Penny,

Maybe it's something in the water.. :D

Do you have a blog, or midwifery website? I would love to peek..

Staci

Christine said...

Congratulations on the precious blessing! Praying for you!

Anonymous said...

wow your amazing. god has blessed you again. we r still tring for number three. from you old friend renee

Elise said...

Oh, how exciting! I felt the same way about my relationship with Eliana, and it has been an adjustment, but comes with so much sweetness, too.

Congratulations!!!!